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I’m Losing You Slowly

June 10, 2010 in life with 0 Comments

I’m losing you slowly, I’m losing you fast

I heard these lyrics belted out in a song by Zach Williams and they stuck with me. His intentions for these lyrics are not what I began to ponder though… I have found that in my walk with Christ there are marked times of profound closeness, and yet other times of desperation and aloneness.

I’m losing you slowly, I’m losing you fast

These lyrics seem to mark my state in the times when my relationship with Christ isn’t at it’s peak moments. The feeling of moving off course, but yet wanting to be back in moments of clarity and closeness.

I’m losing you slowly, I’m losing you fast

In the hard times I have to realize that he never walks away and always deals bountifully with me.  My battle in dark times is against my own flesh, self induced if you will. And the only way to flee the valley is to fight to get back to the mountain, to push aggressively back towards Christ.

I was losing you slowly, I was losing you fast

My Heart is Broken Today

February 24, 2010 in compassion,life with 2 Comments

About a year and a half ago Allison and I were introduced to a great organization called Fishers of Men located in Kenya, and we started sponsoring Kelvin Nyongesa (pronounced Kevin). Through our sponsorship we grew extremely attached to him, getting to send him birthday and Christmas gifts and talk with him on the phone he became in our minds our little man. The opportunity to help him was sincerely more of a gift to us then him I think, Kelvin changed our perspective on so much and unlocked a part of our hearts we didn’t even know existed.

Over the past day or so a terrible out break of cholera has hit Kenya, leaving a mass amount of people sick and in need of medical treatment. Kelvin unfortunately was one that came down with cholera, and his little body couldn’t pull him through… He passed away last night. Our hearts are broken for him even though we were a world away he felt like our kid, and his loss feels like our child is gone.

“We love you and will miss you little man, so glad you were in our life.”

I’d ask that you pray for Kenya and the orphanage right now as many are sick and more possibly won’t make it through.

A Decision

June 24, 2009 in life with 1 Comment

I had a humbling experience this week… one that showed me that no matter where I am at there are certain things that can tempt my character.

I’ll try to explain: I sell insurance in Columbia, Missouri (health insurance)… I have had an extremely slow last month that has left the budget tight to say the least as of late, and as a man and a provider that doesn’t make me feel good. There is the foundation of my situation, here is what happened: I had a client that had acquired insurance from me in this slow time, and I learned that I had accidentally given them some wrong information when we had our appointment about a pre-existing condition they had. Once I found out that I had given them a bit of bad info, I was presented with a choice…. 1). push the policy through and hope they wouldn’t notice… or 2). call them and let them know about my mistake and GREATLY risk them canceling the policy I had sold them (I knew that honesty in this case surely meant a loss of the sale).
This may not seem like a big choice to many people but it played out as a war in my head due to the struggle I have had over the past 3-4 weeks. It presented itself as a defining moment for me to decide what kind of person I really am. A person that only cares for them-self, and defines his trust in $. Or a person who holds character over my insecurity. I am not proud to say that this decision plagued me for entirely too long, I should have immediately picked up the phone and let them know… But instead I battled myself for 2 days before calling. I in this situation completely realized that I am a work in progress…
I did call the people and they ended up keeping the policy… character won. I know this might be a weird post I don’t know if I’m writing it for people to see or for my benefit but that’s what’s been up in my head. It’s not pretty, but it’s where I am at.

Bible Study Method 101

December 17, 2008 in bible,life,questions,reading with 0 Comments

I had some questions on the Bible study method that I talked about during the Saturday/Sunday services at House of Freedom, so I will try to outline some of that in the entry. You can listen to the entire seminar online at thevillagechurch.net, click on the Saturday Seminars and it will be the top 2 selections.

Here are some of the basics:
20/20/20 method of studying scripture

20 minutes for Reading

  • Pray first for some revelation during your time of reading, that God might stir your heart through your efforts.
  • Read and underline what sticks out to you.

20 minutes for Journaling

  • Write down scriptures read (Matthew 1-4), and date the entry.
  • Observations: write down observations from the text, the who, what, where and possibly the why. Start writing what sticks out to you, what you are noticing and what patterns you notice.
  • Application: Jot down some notes on what tangible things you could do or pray to help you with what you have read.
  • Breathe/Listen: give the Holy Spirit a chance to teach you or speak to your spirit.
  • Title it: make a funny or appropriate title that encompasses the subject of what you just read.

20 minutes for prayer/sharing your observations

  • Pray for a time asking God to help you apply what you have read, keep in mind the heart of prayer Christ asks for, don’t just ask for him to give you stuff….
  • Share your observations with your spouse or room mate, this will help you grow together and give you insight you might not have caught otherwise.

This method of studying is just what I use, it has proved fruitful in my life and I hope will help you as well (assuming you are looking for help in the study area). Studying the word of God is essential no matter what method you use though, so dig into it.

Ruined… But in a good way…

October 22, 2008 in life,religion with 1 Comment

Catalyst, Catalyst, Catalyst….. you have officially ruined me.

Not really, I guess technically God is doing that himself.  Catalyst was just the…..”Catalyst” (that’s where you are supposed to laugh and find me witty).
I have found myself upside down since the Catalyst and in a good way one of the speakers spoke of being ruined or broken for the cause of Christ, and that really resonated with me, actually it resonated with the whole HOF staff I believe. But after that message I believe God started a work in my heart that is ripping down all my old stuff and is showing me new life. I prayed for God to break me from my flesh and my old assumptions and I think he is doing just that… be careful on what you pray for…
It’s not that I am holding on to a “pump you up” experience, but God is showing me new revelation though his word.  For the first time I feel desperate to learn more and more importantly to give him all of my heart, instead of part of it and a lot of my time. I think too often we can make ourselves so busy with church (or whatever else), that we can actually use it to hide from God. And to a certain extent that was where I was at. Not that I wasn’t saved, or had huge secret sin in my life, it was simply a matter of there was more of myself that I could give him that I was choosing instead to keep  it to myself. As Christians I think we can barter with God telling him that we are willing to give him parts of ourselves along side of service and think that is acceptable.  When service isn’t close to what he want’s, Christ wants your heart.
I don’t know if any of you have ever been in a similar place, but that’s where I am at… I am fighting the urge to rebuild and staying broken.
GO RUINS!

New Mexico 2.0

August 27, 2008 in life with 1 Comment

New Mexico was awesome, we went to a baseball game, went camping in the mountains, and also went on the world’s largest tram to the top of the Sandia Mountains.  Here is a picture of me and Allison we got in an argument I threatened to throw her off the mountain, and then below we made up.

New Mexico Vacation

August 22, 2008 in life with 0 Comments

Finally it arrived, VACATION TIME!!! It might be late in the summer but we will take it.  Allison and I are in New Mexico visiting our family, this picture was a preflight picture showing my excitement for leaving. 


Unfortunately our first night was a long one, our connecting flight was delayed by over 2 hours.  Then when we arrived tired from the day I couldn’t sleep… Literally I laid awake all night.  I have to take sudaphedrine  (sp?) for my sinuses when flying, because I get a horrific pain in my head if I don’t.  Basically I took 4 on Thursday to make sure my sinuses wouldn’t act up.  The good news was the sinuses where fine during the flight, but the bad news was I was so amped from the medicine I couldn’t sleep.  Crappy night for sure.

It’s alright though because I have plenty of time to sleep and relax.  Hopefully the flight home is a smooth one.  We still have camping and a lot of cool stuff to do in the mean time.  I’ll add pics from that later.